i dont think we truely understand that statement unless we've had a close encounter. it really is easy to tell someone not to take things for granted but how often do we really appreciate what we have? i know i dont.

im still shaken by what happened yesterday. its all over the news. i see it when i step out of the house. i hear helicopters in the air and all the first thing that comes to my mind is that mythbuster style explosion. the san bruno explosion. i believe its even international news now. not surprised though. it has swallowed more than 50 homes, destroyed hundreds and took lives (4 confirmed so far) the scariest bit, i live a few streets away, like 2 streets to be exact. though it is kinda separated by a "main" road-sneath lane.

the explosion is so huge, its classified as a 1.3 magnitude earthquake. i was home. i felt it. i heard it. earthquakes happen occasionally. you feel the house shake a little and its all over and never heard of again. but as i was doing my laundry, i heard fire engine sirens and ambulances and cops and i knew something wasnt right. a minute later, my uncle calls and we turn on the news. live coverage of what happened. at first, everyone thought it was a plane crash. but no, a plane crash doesnt cause flames that a 100 feet high. it was a high pressure gas pipe explosion, cause unknown. i look out the window and we see black thick smoke on the hill behind us. calls start ringing in. i continue watching the news, watching the fire go. san bruno, the windiest area, the foggiest area was just blowing the flames everywhere. we were lucky the winds werent blowing our way but we would never know. so we evacuated to another aunts house. we just didnt know how the wind would blow. it was strong. it would spread but to where? took our laptops (surprisingly the most impt thing, then passports) and set off in the van. we referring to only me and my aunt. janet just got off school and the roads were all blocked so she went to another aunt s place. the highway and freeway were closed and everyone was just leaving. packed traffic. got to aunts house and watched the news. this explosion started at 6.15pm. watching the news, we saw the first house that was fire burn down to completely nothing in 20 mins. then, there were about maybe 12 houses affected. at 7.30 or so, the whole area was on fired. 15 acres. 50 houses reduced to rubble. people injured from burns. it was just plain depressing.

you just never think that sth like this would happen so close to home. you never quite see it first hand. and to think that people lose everything they have, its just depressing. a home is a place of sanctuary. its a comfort zone. sure losing a couple of expensive jewelry or being scammed hurts but losing your whole life's worth, that just cannot be compared. to come home to see your house burning in flames, thats just heartbreaking. the heat was so intense that people said they could feel the heat on their faces 3 to 4 blocks away. i could smell the smoke. cars melted, windows melted. these people have to start from scratch with absolutely nothing, not even a bed to sleep in or a place to retreat to that they can call their home.

shelters have been set up and donations poured in immediately which i thought was extremely heartwarming. but how long would these last. these people still have to get back on their feet one day and start all over. i dont know how i would do it. seriously i was scared of going home. i didnt know what i would see. looking at the news, i couldnt see clearly where the fire was. the houses looked familiar and i couldnt pin point where exactly they were. all i could see were flames eating up the houses. and i was just thinking. the death toll might rise but would we ever know? people would have been reduced to ashes. if the houses were gone, and windows melting, i believe that temp is high enough to reduce one to ashes. of course hopefully nothing like that ever happens but just from a realistic point of view. this was just bad timing,people driving home from work, eating dinner at home... glad its not weekends though. it coudl have been worse.

my uncle got home after work, we told him to check it out. we were lucky the winds werent directing towards us. power was out since 6.30 ish and still wasnt back on. wasnt expecting it too. they had bigger problems at hand. so we went home at around 10.30pm. coudldnt sleep though. the fire was only 50% contained. never know when the winds would change direction. i was physically and mentally tired though having to wake up at 6 for the past few days for school. so i did manage to fall asleep in the end. woke up at 4am though. didnt close my door or window either. i was seriously scared.

also, thanks to all those who called and sent messages to ask if i was ok. really appreciated the thought. i should have charged my phone. i was relying on 3 bars. since we were out of power, i couldnt charge it either and needed it to stay alive.

i got out to go to school this morning and the smoke was so bad i couldnt breath without taking in smoke. the atmosphere is still dark and gloomy. ironically its a sunny day today. this wont be changing any time soon. the area is still treated like a crime scene. i'll still be hearing helicopters from news station circling around. and its just going to remind me again. i think maybe this time, i'll really stop taking things for granted.

i could have typed this better but so much is going on right now i cant articulate this well. i can now say ive seen a mythbusters explosion. maybe even bigger.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?f=/c/a/2010/09/10/BAVQ1FBPMD.DTL&object=%2Fc%2Fpictures%2F2010%2F09%2F10%2Fba-concourse10_0502213912.jpg

remaining babies in the soil

9 chambers x 2 tupperwares = 18 tupperwares

18 tupperwares x average of 30 eggs each = 540 eggs?!

from monday. one cluster

how does this become so many eggs?! right do not judge a book by its cover

im going to bed. snails exhaust me

• summing up year 2009 since it was a pretty good year i must say
• winter break which was tons of fun ( i miss it so much already, everything from people to food, to my dog )
• more school complaints..etc

okay maybe that wasnt a lot. but im pretty sure they're gonna be super long posts especially the winter break post, since i was doing quite a bit in 3 weeks. but then again, it depends on how much i still remember. lol.

(WARNING! RANT HEAVY POST. if you dont want to get annoyed then stay away:D )

let's start with school complaints for this post. i've already been back for 3 weeks of school and its been torture so far. from the weather, to classes, to applications. then again, no one said coming to berkeley was going to be easy. i dont even know where to start actually. let's go with classes. originally, i was taking genetics, neurobiology, bacterial pathogenesis, nutrition, and a class on planets, a total of 18 units. just two days ago, i dropped my neurobiology class, the class i was so excited about in the beginning so now im left with 14 units. why did i drop it? simply because i couldnt understand a thing. it was way too much physics and the readings were way too dry and heavy that i couldnt sit and complete reading one page before running away. in lecture, the professor just went on and on and on and it doesnt help that he doesnt have a powerpoint slide or any sort of notes for us to follow. so the entire time, he was just talking about fluxes and currents and potential and nothing that i thought was related to the brain. well, it is related but just not what i expected. i wanted something more concept based, like how the brain worked, the different parts of it, neurons, dendrites and the like but the class just wasnt what i signed up for. so instead of torturing myself, i gave up and dropped it. now im definitely much happier. it wasnt that i didnt try hard enough (well, alright i didnt even read to try and understand) but i was lost from the very first introductory class. there was just no way i could catch up and understand what he was talking about while other students just sat there asking questions that made me feel dumb and so i sat there being lost. somehow they must have taken a class that introduced them to the basics of it or something. even discussion sections didnt help. i overheard some people saying that this part was review to them so i knew i would just die on the exams if i continued.

i was reluctant to let go of the class due to units. i need a total of 60 units from the college of letters and science to graduate and so far, i have 13 from my first semester, meaning i have47 more units to go. if i took 18, i would only need 15 for my next 2 semesters which is a pretty average workload to handle. but now im down to 14 which means im going to need about 17 units the next 2 semesters and i dont know how thats going to work out. i could take summer classes but as of now, there isnt any class i want to take and how worth it is it to travel 2 hours two or three times a week for just one class. so i dont know. hopefully, i get to do research this semester which is the next point i want to bring up and rant about.

ever since, i did research over last summer and got to do a poster presentation on it for a conference, i knew that was soemthing i wanted to do. i like being in the lab doing experiments, playing with bacteria. so when it was time to apply for internships/apprenticeship opportunites, i hoped that i would get into something i was interested in. i applied for one URAP position, where it was studying animal behavior in mantis shrimp or octopus and that was one i was interested in out of the many many other positions or labs that they offered. but i got turned down. more on that later. so when the projects with extended deadlines came on, i applied to another lab position, working with something i dont even remember now but it was mainly counting stuff under the microscope that kind of stuff. like boring manual labor that the professors or grad students dont want to do. still i was interested in that. i like doing brainless work surprisingly. and im sure i got rejected for that as well since i wasnt emailed back. i was doubly sad. it was almost a ddesperate situation.

i'm going to have to apply to grad or vet school soon if i do not intend to take a year off and to do that, you need letters of reccommendation and right now, the only person i can think of is case. still, thats only one person and how much will grad schools think of it. why would i ask my community college teacher for a letter of rec instead of a prof at berkeley? get what i mean? and in any case, i would need at least 2 letters for most schools. so yes, im desperate to get a relationship with a professor.

so i passed by the mcbcdna table the other day and i thought well, if i couldnt get a lab position, i might as well be active in something else. at least get involved in something for leadership or whatever crap schools look for. and for that club, you have to apply to be an executive officer. there's no regular membership whatsoever so basically, you apply to organize events for other students. so i applied and they called me back thenight before to tell me i have been selected for an interview the next day which was a sat. i was like what the hell. plus, they called me at 10pm. so at first, i told the guy who called that i couldnt make it and if they could schedule for another day. plus, since i commute for an hour, its super inconvenient. travellign 2 hours for a 15 minute interview??!! he said it was the only day they were interviewing so i either had to go or be rejected. i asked if i could apply next semester and he said that since i was a junior, i couldnt as they need you to stay for at least 2 years so this was the last semester that i could apply. i was soooo mad at that time. i called catherine and we talked for a bit and then i decided to call him back and said that i would go for the interview. it was almost hard for me to let go of an opportunity and plus i was desperate to get involved in something. so i went on sat for the interview and they really asked dumb questions (how do u make a pb&j sandwich??!). above all, it was my first interview. first. i have never applied for a job or anuy other sort of program that required you to be interviewed so i didnt quite know what to expect. but anyhows, to cut the story short, i didnt get called back. ie. there goes another thing that i could get involved in. i was triply sad now. for the research stuff, i sort of understood why i wouldnt get picked. mainly because of my measly gpa and that i was still at 18 units at that time.

to top that all off, i was worried about summer. at sacnas they provided us with lots of internship program information for different schools like stanford, harvard, yale, ucla, davis..etc. so when i finally looked at them after donkey months, i realized all the deadlines were in early feb. i looked at them around jan 20 or so. by then it was too late. again they need letters of rec, mostly 2. and refer to above. i could only find one person and even then, i would probably get killed for asking her last minute. never give someone only a week or two to write you a letter. even though she had written me quite a few before and it wouldnt kill her to modify a previous letter, i'd rather die than to ask her. as nice as she is and as much time as i have spent or worked with her, she is still intimidating. so i was frantically looking for stuff to do during the summer. and that got me upset too that i couldnt apply to any that i was interested in. thanks to my procrastination again. it wouldnt be as bad if i had another professor that i could ask to write a letter.

i decided to look up the URAP website again to see if there were still other projects that i was interested in and there was one for working in the museum of vertebrate zoology since the deadline is tomorrow. i thought why not just give it another go. i wouldnt be satisfied until i found soemthing to do other than classes. i emailed the person in charge just to take the initiative and stuff so hopefully that would help. but mainly i just asked what the hours were liek and if i had to work weekends. she replied a couple of days later and it was time flexible and no weekends other than april 17 which is cal day. so i was happy with that response not that i really cared if i had to work weekends. so yesterday i finally submitted my application and now im hoping for the best. i hope third time's really the charm. if i get turned down again, i think i'll probably die of sadness. it shouldnt be the units that would cost me now, since im only taking 14 and if i do get it, i could get units for it and that would solve my unit problems too. somehow, i am really interested in it now so i really do hope i get it. we'll wait and see. while looking for the person in charge to ask her questions, the receptionist told me that she wasnt in but she was going to hold interviews next wednesday so i shoudl know by then. im waiting for the good news now. hoping.

but, there is some light to this. so, long ago in this post (i'm surprised if youre still reading) i mentioned the urap position working with shrimp and octopus. the prof emailed me to say sorry that he couldnt accept me and all, but added that if i was still around in the summer and was still interested to work with him, i could check in with him when the time is nearer since they're always shorthanded for summer. i got happier when i read that since i still dont know what im going to do for summer. so i hope now that he wasnt just saying that to please me or whatever but he would actually take me in during the summer. i replied him btu he hasnt replied me yet. then of course, its still pretty far away from summer. i hope he meant what he said. at times to console myself, i just like to think that im overqualified.

yes, so all this happened in the span of three weeks of school. and this is just outside of normal classes. classes are going so crazy fast im already behind by quite a bit for two classes. im planning to catch up at least slightly by this weekend or im pretty much dead again. then, there's people pissing me off too and guys that i really just dont get. and there's eyh (part of the people pissing me off).

we met up once last week and that was pretty productive. it was the email that pissed me telling us about the meeting. apparently the person in charge accused us of not being responsible. she said that she and anothe rperson met up twice in january to prepare the workshop and experiment and met the whole week to do a trial and none of the rest went to help out. the pamphlets are already printed and our names were on it so we should honor our commitments blah blah blah. erm hello? i didnt even get your email in january! i was soo mad when i got it since im totally not the irresponsible sort of person and that email got to case as well since she was cc-ed. so i went to the meeting last week and asked her when they met and she was like telling me it wasnt my fault blah blah since she knew i wasnt around. by then i was just whatever, youre boss. this week, we were suppose to meet on wed to prepare supplies. they were going to meet at 12 but i technically dont get out till 4. so i just thought i wouldnt go to my 2-4 classes, then i could leave at 12 and still make it there by 1.30pm. so i took bart and when i got to embacadero, i got a message from one of them asking if i left already. i knew then something bad was gonna happen. they had to cancel the meeting since they couldnt do anything. i dont know why but i was just wth again. please double check next time you call for a meeting urgh. apparently, i saw case's website and she cancelled lecture for wed and today as well. wonder why. but still she shoudlnt have anything to do with what we were gonna do. so i got off at powell bart station, went to grab lunch at the mall adn took bart back to school. the only good part was at least i didnt have to go all the way to skyline to find out that it was cancelled. i would have been hopping mad. but i still had to waste 5 bucks takign bartto powell and then back to school.

i wonder how im still mentally stable at this point. but i suppose all this explains the tiredness i've been feeling.

to add to that, the weather was crazy the first two weeks of school. it was raining cats and dogs and monkeys and giraffes. my jeans got soaked a couple of times and my umbrella was useless most of the time the first week. so i went to get myself a bigger umbrella at the bookstore and things got better. i hate walking in the rain. bart gets disgusting and so does the classes. everything and everyone is just wet and chaotic and dirty. it got sunny/cloudy for a couple of days and now the weather is starting to go a little mad again. it rained yesterday night pretty heavily but good thing i was already home in my comfy pjs. i escaped singapore to escape the rain? the world is going topsy turvy.

alright, i thinnk i have ranted enough for now. see how crazy my life is. this is only the third week. 14 more weeks to go. all im hoping now is to get my internship approved and catch back up with classes.

hopefully the next post will be happier. if you managed to read word for word, i salute you and i'll give you a penny.

nemo: if you are still here, im really really happy i got your letter the other day. didnt expect it at all. so thank you :D